Thoughts of 50 Shades.

Sorry Ms James I hope you will forgive me for borrowing your characters for my musings. Not for profit just for fun.

Chapter 8
Elliot pov.
Sitting on board my brothers company jet on our way home from the business deal he had brokered on my behalf, I was reeling because of his revelations of his previously deviant lifestyle.
He had always been closed and taciturn. From what I knew of his early life before he was adopted into our family he had every reason to be damaged goods.

When I first met Christian I was six nearly seven years old. I was taken to the hospital by my mom and dad they wanted me to say hello to the boy who was going to be my brother.
Mom told me, that Christian was a really sick little boy, he was four, who's mommy couldn't look after him properly because she had been ill but she dead now; so. Christian needed a new mommy and daddy. I knew I had been adopted when I was about one, so like me, Christian was going to be adopted.

When I first saw him he was really skinny, pale with huge grey frightened eyes and mess of reddish copper coloured hair.
There was a nurse with him as we entered his room and she was trying to wash him. He was fighting,punching and kicking and growling like some ferocious animal. Then he saw my mom and his face brightened he stopped fighting and growling. He held his hand to her. Mom moved forward to put her arms around him but again he shrunk back in fear shaking his head.
In short he was, to use Christian's phrasiology, Fifty shades of fucked up.

It took along time for Christian to settle into our home. After a while we would play together but I could never touch him, so we couldn't play my favourate game, wrestling. As long as all of us kept to his boundries he was ok.
I was often woken in the night with him screaming with his nightmares. I went in his room sometimes to tell him he was alright and I would find mom sitting there on his gently stroking his head. He wouldn't, couldn't let her hold him.
He changed a lot when mom and dad adopted Mia. Up to then, apart from screaming with rage or his nightmares, he didn't speak. He understood when spoke to him and he would make us understand his needs, like when he was hungry which was most of the time. Boy, could he eat, any thing and everything. I told him that he would grow as fat as a pig one day and he just grinned at me nodding his head.
However, When Mia came,nearly two years later, he was fascinated by her. He would sit on a chair near her cot and just watch her. One day mom asked him if he would like to hold her, he was nodded his head vigorously. As mom sat her on his lap, one of her tiny hand waved out of the blanket and caught hold of his tshirt. Mom made ready to take Mia off him but, he just laughed and shook his head holding Mia tighter to him. Mom wept buckets; I couldn't under stand what a break through that was for Christian. And the day he came running into the kitchen to tell mom to come at once Mia was hungry, even my dad was sniffing.

Christian, was always volatile his temper unpredictable. Especially if he felt he wasn't in control of any given situation. He learnt to play piano and you could tell music was an outlet for him. He couldn't play any contact sport because of his dislike of being touched. He took to kick boxing like a duck to water when he was about nine or ten. And when he hit senior school he took up rowing. He became a exercise fanatic in his early teens and I believe that's still with him today. All these activities helped to channel his anger. But they weren't much help when the hormones kicked in.
I was always having to stop him from fighting when we were in school he became sullen and aggressive Mom and dad would lecture him, ground him, deprive him of his piano stop his kick boxing to know avail he would just shout at them and get out of the house slamming the door behind him. His favourite place to cool off was the boat landing dock.
I thought I knew part of what was wrong him, he couldn't "make out" with the girls like the priapic teenage kids around this earned his a lot of  both friendly and insulting jibes. I remember "Gay Grey" being a favourite for a time. It earned Christian a lot of detention and exclusion from two schools for fighting. Of course the real problem was he hated being touched around his chest, back and neck. If any of the more forward girls tried to kiss him he would immediately freeze and push them away. I suppose also at that time he was wondering about his own sexuality. But he couldn't explore because of his hang ups. I understood Christian as well as anyone at that time being a priapic teen myself.  I knew his boundaries, which a lot of the kids at school didn't, and if they did, they chose to ignore them for the sake of just getting that"Weird" Grey kid in trouble What they didn't always realise was although Christian looked skinny he was was amazingly well built and strong. So even the stupid older kids didn't come off best when they tackled Christian.
So at fifteen he was a loner, angry, frustrated miserable teenager. Until he was around 15. Then he seemed suddenly, to get a grip. Of course that was after Elena Lincoln took him in hand, but none of us knew that at the time.

The family thought of him as celebate gay. He never brought home or talked about girls or guys for that matter. Not that it would have made any different to us we were liberal minded and frankley we didn't give a fuck so long as the fights stopped and he was focused.
I wasn't so certain. We would often met up and have a meal out together we would hike, fish, sail and do what Mia termed as boys boring stuff. But there were times when he was off guard I would see his interest in a girl, a slight movement in his seat and it is a physiological reaction when the pupils dilate and the breathing speeds up when there is a sexual attraction.

Of course I made it my mission in life to torment the life out of him at every possible occasion.
As he said he found it a laugh to listen to us speculate especially when I offered to give him tips on how to get laid.

I could not imagine Christian being in this deviant scene for over ten years and manage to keep such a low profile.  It made me feel quite revolted to think of him whipping, caning, hancuffing some girl. Using some of the sex toys I have seen on line, (yes I've looked at porn) For his own sexual gratification. No wonder he preferred to distance himself from us all. But in retrospect, that under current of control, power, dominance has always been there with him. I saw it in action today when he brought the company to heel after they had tried to take over my patent in an under hand fashion.
That," don't fuck with me" attitude he had.
What had Benson called him?  "A young whippersnapper, wet behind the ears." And Christian, had leaned over the table and looked the man straight in the eye,
 " I cannot make myself any older for you, but the fact remains, that I could retire tomorrow and live till I'm ninety as a playboy and still leave my kids a good inheritance. Whereas you will barely make a decent pension when you retire if you continue on the path this company is taking now, Mr Benson, you do the math". There had been the hard powerful man there then. The Dominant.
I looked across the cabin to where he was sitting.
"And I offered my Love Doctor advice when you started taking Ana out!"
 He gave me a shrug and a smirk, laughter in his eyes
"You're a bastard you know that don't you?"
"Yes Elliot, fifty shades of fucked up. Well perhaps just forty since I meet Ana. But you have to realise, Elena showed me a way of controlling my anger a coping method. As her submissive, she took all the crap out of my life, she had rules and if I broke them she would beat the crap out of me. It's easier to wear your pain on the outside and I felt I deserved to be punished.
 It became a lifestyle because, A, I knew nothing else, and B, It was the only way for me I would have probably ended up in some sex offenders prison without it. Not really an excuse I know. But I didn't force anyone to do anything they didn't want, safe,sane,consensual. nothing illegal. Sick, Deviant, perverted yes I'm all of the above. Until Anastasia Steel fell through my office door. Then the tectonic plates shifted. And then there was light in my life hope on the empty shell called my heart and I don't need any of that shit anymore. Well, not the heavy stuff but we like to play as I'm sure you do, Dr Love.

There was a heavy silence between us
 "Well "said Christian, "Are you still my big bro or is that it for us?"
I gave him an appraising look. It must have taken some nerve for Christian to tell me all this after so long. Looking at him now he was quite vulnerable not knowing if I was going to disown him.I sighed, I couldn't do that, I had seen what he had been in his early years, I knew he had been cruelly abused. I also knew that deep down he was a decent guy, his deviant lifestyle was set apart from the rest of his world. Yes he had become a hard working very successful business man, He was philanthropic, he put a great deal of wealth to feeding starving nations, he was well known for his donations to various charities for abused kids. He was generous to us his family and took a lot of care ensuring we weren't put at risk because of his wealth.
And over the passed few months, since he had fallen hopelessly in love with Ana his true personality was revelling it's self
I  took a deep breath and said with an evil grin " can I see your playroom.?"
"No you fuckin' can't."