Thoughts of 50 shades

I do not own any part of the 50 shades trilogy. Just a few thoughts for fun and not for profit.

Chapter 4
Elliot's pov.

I stare at Christian in disbelief. I thought I knew him. Yes he was moody, a loner, closed. He always had been and given what I know of his early childhood I understood.  I had always tried to be there for him, brother and friend, we had always got on well together.   We shared interests in fishing, sailing, hiking and skiing etc.
When he was in his teens and before I went to collage, I always tried to help him keep his temper and to prevent him getting into fights. Although we are not of the same blood, both of us adopted, we were for all intent and purposes brothers.

I didn't know truly of his sexual persuasion, he didn't date. bring a girl, or boy, home.  He didn't even talk as guys do about sex. I used to try and set him up with a date and he would grudgingly go along but always manage to screw it up. I used to goad him about his naivety and for the most he took it in good part, eventually, when he had,had enough he would tell me to fuck off.

So for a long time me and our parents though he was either gay, or celibate.

Then Anastasia Steel came into his life and his whole being changed. He was a different man. We all assumed that not only was this his first love but his first lover.
But I noticed, when he thought no one was looking little intimate touches, looks, seductive looks that take time and experience to master.
Hell it had taken me years to get to the level that Christian was at. I didn't think he was just a natural I though he had, had experience and knowledge. I knew his hang ups about touching and I had hear ed his nightmares often enough. So I figured he must have used call girls who would agreed to his needs.

So that was why I had finally ask him about his experience. I thoroughly expected him to tell me to fuck off as usual. But he knows I'm a nosey bastard who wouldn't let up. Plus I realised that he had come to a part of his life when he felt more confident in telling all.

But his revelations never the less shocked me, my brother the pervert!

At first I figured that his relationship, with Mrs Lincoln, had only been a summer encounter but Christian went on to tell the full extent of the affair.

" I don't know what you know about the BDSM scene" He said quietly, his mouth set into a grim line. It seemed that now he had started he wanted  to tell me his whole sordid life.
" and, I'm not going to go into detail if you want the gory details you can look it up on Wikipeadia. suffice to say I was Elena's submissive for six years."
"Six years! Hell Christian why didn't you tell someone? Mom, Dad, your shrink. You where under age after all when it started. She was nothing but a fuckin' pedophile"

" Because she helped me, at a time when I was out of control. I think that if she hadn't brought me into line I would have raped or murdered someone. I was in self destructive mode and I wasn't getting any better" He explained quietly.
I shook my head in disbelief. "is that what you felt, really?"

" Yes, She gave me a set of rules to live by. If  I disobeyed these rules she would punish me. Being in contact with Mom she would know if I digressed."

He ran his hand through his hair then took another drink of water.

" After a while punishment and reward became synonymous with one another. Both giving sexual gratification. And I embraced it because I felt I deserved it."
"How come you felt that you deserved to be beaten, for crying out loud!"
"Because, and Flynn, has made me realise this over the passed few months, my birth mother, the crack hoare, didn't protect me I must have been unlovable, unworthy, bad and that is why she died. I blamed myself"

"Jees Christian how fucked you must have been!"
"Fifty shades bro. Elena taught me control, how to channel my anger, pain and emotions, mostly inside I realise now.It's easier to feel the pain on the outside, Elliot"

I took a gulp of bourbon, to take away the horrific images that where going through my head. My poor fucked up brother living his dark life under our very noses.

"You said you where her submissive for six years, What happened then?"
" Well she over stepped the boundries of my hard limits."
"How?"
"Well after I dropped out of Harvard and came to live back in Seattle, She and I did the club scene. I don't if you are aware, but there are various clubs in and around Seatlle that allow these activities. Providing that the paticipants are legal age and consencual there are no laws. One night we where playing a scene, and she brought another Dominatrix into the game, I was pissed at this, I don't like group sex, and I let it show she got mad and decided I needed punishing. I didn't mind that as it hightend the pleasure but she allowed the other Dom to touch me on my chest and back and although I safe worded she told the other Dom it was alright to carry on"
"Safe word?" I couldn't deny I was curious by this time
" Yes there is and agreed word a submissive can use when they are at thier limit of endurance. Usually "Red". Anyway, the other dom saw I was at my limit and stopped immidiatly as they should. But Elena wasn't best pleased, she thought I had made her look bad and she was ready to set about me with a cane
and I shouted enough red and she stopped, boy was she pissed. Any way she let me loose"
" She had you tied!!!"
Christian grinned at my appalled face, "No actually, shackled."   

"We got dressed and went for a drink at the bar and I told her enough was enough I wasn't going to "sub" for her anymore, I was changing roles I, was going to be a Dom!".