Thoughts of Fifty shades.

I don't own any of the fifty shade trilogy. These are just my musings for fun and not profit.

Chapter 10. 
Christian pov



" You don't still have that life style do you?" Elliot asked. He was still shaken with  my revelations I think. He was staring at me with wide eyed incredulity. He took a long drink of water but I think he would have liked another Bourbon but Taylor had discretely taken the bottle away. Good job too we had drunk enough on this flight. Time to sober up before we land and go to our respective homes. Neither of us needing to home intoxicated again. Our wives could get pretty sarky at Elliot and I getting drunk in each others company,again. We seem to have done that a lot recently.

"No Elliot I don't need that shit anymore now that I have Ana"
"How did that come about?" He asked.
I  had a little think about that. To me, megalomaniac control freak, my life had been ordered controlled and devoid of any emotion I was my own island state where nothing could touch me.
Now with hindsight, I knew why, if I didn't let people into my life they couldn't abandon me. All, or most of my 50shades, had stemmed from my early childhood. Exacerbated in my teens by Elena Lincoln. She had drummed,(beaten more like) it into me "Love is for fools a wasted emotion that makes you loose control."

"I think the change came about the moment Ana fell into my office, and mean fell, she tripped as she came through the door and fell on her knees. Normally, such clumsiness pissed me off, big time, and this was no exception. I was already hacked off as the morning hadn't gone well. Claude had kicked me on the floor several times during our kick boxing session. The shipyard unions wouldn't agree to anything. And, now instead of Katherine Kavanaugh coming to interview me as planned there was this other student from WSU here!.
But as I helped her up she looked at me with the bluest eyes I'd ever seen, and I felt she could see right into my soul.
As the interview progressed, I found myself fantisizing, various scenes in the playroom, there in the office. She was very nervous, kept blushing, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear, and the fucking lip biting was turning me on something terrible. Then, she asked me if I was gay, I could have spanked and fucked her there and then over my desk. It was a good thing Andrea, came in at that point to tell me my next appointment was due or who knows what would have happened."

"Love at first sight? " Elliot asked.

 Taylor brought coffee and sandwiches to speed up the sobering process. I have no qualms about Taylor hearing all my past shit. As my personal protection operative he has live through all of my beginnings with Ana. He is the soul of discretion.  

" I suppose so but I didn't know it at the time. I'd never been in love before."
" Not even teenage crushes?" Elliot shook his head. He has been in and out of love so many times before he meet Kate it would make your head spin.
" Aw come on bro, you know what it was like for me as a teenager, and then Elena, who didn't believe in that nonsense. So no I'd never been there."
"So when did you realise that you loved Ana?"
" It took me a while. At first I got it in my mind that perhaps Ana would be my next submissive. She seemed to have that disposition, quiet, shy, compliant." I laughed and Elliot grinned we both know that Ana is noway a submissive not by any stretch of the imagination.
"But even while I was considering how I would train her to my way, I found myself breaking my own rules.
She was an innocent, I don't think she knew anything about the life style I was considering for her.

I flew down to Portland to see her again at the place where she worked the weekend after the interview because I could not get her out of my mind. I've never pursued my subs in that way, ever."

 Well, the visit to Clayton's only stirred things up and I found myself agreeing to do a photo shoot for the student newspaper, for Kate to complete her article, as I then could see her again the following day. I hate photo shoots!  I gave her my card with my cell number on it, something I never did for a sub.
Ana rang me that evening and I agreed to see them the following day at The Heathman.
Taylor must have thought I'd gone crazy when I rang to tell him to drive down to Portland and bring me some clothes and my laptop, so I could work from the hotel.
Anyhow, the following morning we did the photo shoot. I watched her the whole time, she was taking my breath away. I meet Kate, and their friend Jose Rodriguez, who I could tell had the hots for Ana, Iwanted to beat the crap out of him for looking at her the way he did.  Jealousy was an emotion I didn't know I could have. But no way was he going to have Ana, he had no chance I would make sure of that. She was mine.
When the shoot was finished, I asked Ana out for a coffee, and to my amazement, she agreed.

Thoughts of 50 Shades

I do not own any part of the fifty shades trilogy. I am musing just for fun. Apologise to E.L. James for my Nerve.

Chapter 9
Ana pov.

I had suggested that Christian and I go sailing, firstly, we both need some fresh air. I had been cooped up at Escala far too long. Thanks to Jack Hyde.
And secondly we really needed to talk. I had things to say and I wanted to be able to have my say in private away from security staff. I had become fond of both Taylor and Sawyer, but they were a constant shadow. And also on board "The Grace", Christian couldn't storm away from me and sulk in his study like some petulant teen. He would have to hear me out.

I had realised over the passed few weeks I felt I was entering a stereotypical  abusive relationship.
My husband was a control freak, and I understood why, but it was getting so that I was becoming more and more under his control. Yes he was intimidating, unapproachable, petulant. He did make me nervous which is one reason why my appetite is so erratic. I had no problems before I met him. He wants to know where I am at all times, I cannot make an independent decision even on my own behalf.
I don't know how he thought I got by in my single life without him to tell me what to do all the time.
And this morning, he made love to me conveniently "forgot" a condom. Christian never forgets anything,ever. Admittedly I went along I didn't try and stop him but I really had felt as I was dreaming he had woken me from a deep sleep and he didn't give me a choice. I felt I was just there to satisfy his needs when ever, where ever, like a submissive. In short I felt used.
I want to know if he intended to get me pregnant. Did he think that getting me pregnant so soon after the miscarriage would take away the loss I felt?. And take some of the pressure off him.
Did he feel anything at all at the loss of our child? He was upset because I was upset. But is that the extent of his feelings.

Christian manoeuvred "The Grace " out of the marina with his usual skill and dexterity. She was a tight fit. I had, had a few lessons with both Christian and Mac and felt I could handle her pretty well, but, I didn't think I could get her out of the marina without bending her. and that wouldn't go down well with fifty.

I took over the wheel whilst Christian radioed the coastguard to check the weather and give our position. Christian wound up the main sail and we glided over the water. I always felt a little as though we were flying and was always exhilarated. The wind in my face and hair. Christian put out the spinnaker and I cut the engine. And there we were racing over the water. Christian came and stood behind me at the wheel. his hands lightly resting on mine.

We, dropped anchor in the early afternoon to relax and eat lunch.

"Do you really think, that I believed you this morning Christian?" I asked him quietly
"What about?" He looked at me with a frown
"You forgetting to use a condom"
"Oh" he said looking a little sheepish. "Well I read on line that it was advisable to get pregnant as soon as possible after miscarrying, to ward off post natal depression"
I looked at him aghast now I was really furious with him.
"So, you made the decision, you took control, you didn't think it necessary to talk to me, to see what I felt. I was just an empty womb for you to fill, because YOU thought it was for the best. It's getting so that I don't have any say in my life anymore, You are slowly taking control, in short Christian, you are making me your submissive!"
"That wasn't my intention, I was trying to help" he said petulantly.
"TRYING TO HELP!!" I am appalled "Do you have any feelings for me at all, or is it just about your issues, again,?" I stand up my hands on my hips. "If you spent less time doing research on your fucking computer and more time actually talking to me, we might come to some mutual agreement about what is best for MY body." I knew I was ranting now my voice carrying across the open water.
"Do you have any feelings at all over the loss of your child?  the flesh of your flesh!"
His face was ashen now.
"I-I'm sorry, I just thought this was the way to help you" he stammered.
"And what about you, Christian. Are you so indifferent? Don't you care at all?"
" I care about you being miserable"
"Because that means I am not giving you my full on attention; that I'm not available 24/7 for you to have sex with me. Is that how it is with you?"
Christian shuffled in his seat saying nothing.
"OK Christian, you obviously had no feelings for the baby. No paternal connection, fine." I stood facing him, eye to eye.
"Well let me tell you this, if I am pregnant, because you thought it the best way. I will abort. I will not have a child come into this world purely as a convenience. Better still, we will call at the hospital on the way home and get a morning after pill from Dr Green."

Christian sits speechless. I start packing up the remnants of our lunch in preparation for sailing back.
" Don't just sit there, Christian, get on your cell and call Dr Green and tell her we will met her in her clinic at, erm. let me see" I glance at my watch estimating the time we will get back on land, "say 5 o'clock this evening."

 Christian still doesn't move. He is not used to me ranting on at him, he doesn't know how to cope.
"Christian," I shout at him, " Make the call" I demand.
"Why are you doing this?" he asks quietly.
"You know why"
"No I don't, I thought you wanted a baby"
"I do, Christian, but not until we are both ready to accept the responsibility. I look on the loss of the baby as a blessing. Because you are not ready to be a father. And I am not going to be a submissive. So until you learn to stop abusing me, by treating me as a submissive, there will be no child. When we married I didn't include "obey" in our vows for just this reason, and you know it. As we stand now I am suffocating, I can't even go to the toilet at work without Sawyer having to report in that I've left my desk. I can't make an independent decision without consulting you first, "I'll run it by Christian" is getting to be my theme tune. We can't make a joint decision, because if I disagree with you, you rant and rave or go and sulk in your office for days on end. I am nervous and jumpy around you because I never know when I'm going to cross some arbitrary line that will send you into a rage and give you an excuse to punish me. I can't eat well or sleep because I feel trapped by your control freakishness. This morning was a prime example, You decided You took control, I had to accept, because you know best. Now have I made myself clear? Give me your cell I'll call Dr Green myself, I'm taking my life back"

I pick up Christians Blackberry and ring DR Green.

He sits there looking dumbfounded at my outburst.
"Ana I'm sorry, I didn't realise I was getting so oppressive with you. It's really due to your run in with Hyde. I'm so scared that I will lose you because I haven't kept you safe. You are probably right when you say I'm not ready to be a father. I'm not, I don't know how to be. But as my Dad says know one is and parenting is a trail and error process during which you learn. I don't know if I can cope with not being in total control. Quite frankly, Ana, it scares me to death."
He put his head in his hands and his shoulders began to shake.
Ana sat beside him and put her arms around him. She vaguely remembered the night/morning when she had miscarried little blip

Thoughts of 50 Shades.

Sorry Ms James I hope you will forgive me for borrowing your characters for my musings. Not for profit just for fun.

Chapter 8
Elliot pov.
Sitting on board my brothers company jet on our way home from the business deal he had brokered on my behalf, I was reeling because of his revelations of his previously deviant lifestyle.
He had always been closed and taciturn. From what I knew of his early life before he was adopted into our family he had every reason to be damaged goods.

When I first met Christian I was six nearly seven years old. I was taken to the hospital by my mom and dad they wanted me to say hello to the boy who was going to be my brother.
Mom told me, that Christian was a really sick little boy, he was four, who's mommy couldn't look after him properly because she had been ill but she dead now; so. Christian needed a new mommy and daddy. I knew I had been adopted when I was about one, so like me, Christian was going to be adopted.

When I first saw him he was really skinny, pale with huge grey frightened eyes and mess of reddish copper coloured hair.
There was a nurse with him as we entered his room and she was trying to wash him. He was fighting,punching and kicking and growling like some ferocious animal. Then he saw my mom and his face brightened he stopped fighting and growling. He held his hand to her. Mom moved forward to put her arms around him but again he shrunk back in fear shaking his head.
In short he was, to use Christian's phrasiology, Fifty shades of fucked up.

It took along time for Christian to settle into our home. After a while we would play together but I could never touch him, so we couldn't play my favourate game, wrestling. As long as all of us kept to his boundries he was ok.
I was often woken in the night with him screaming with his nightmares. I went in his room sometimes to tell him he was alright and I would find mom sitting there on his gently stroking his head. He wouldn't, couldn't let her hold him.
He changed a lot when mom and dad adopted Mia. Up to then, apart from screaming with rage or his nightmares, he didn't speak. He understood when spoke to him and he would make us understand his needs, like when he was hungry which was most of the time. Boy, could he eat, any thing and everything. I told him that he would grow as fat as a pig one day and he just grinned at me nodding his head.
However, When Mia came,nearly two years later, he was fascinated by her. He would sit on a chair near her cot and just watch her. One day mom asked him if he would like to hold her, he was nodded his head vigorously. As mom sat her on his lap, one of her tiny hand waved out of the blanket and caught hold of his tshirt. Mom made ready to take Mia off him but, he just laughed and shook his head holding Mia tighter to him. Mom wept buckets; I couldn't under stand what a break through that was for Christian. And the day he came running into the kitchen to tell mom to come at once Mia was hungry, even my dad was sniffing.

Christian, was always volatile his temper unpredictable. Especially if he felt he wasn't in control of any given situation. He learnt to play piano and you could tell music was an outlet for him. He couldn't play any contact sport because of his dislike of being touched. He took to kick boxing like a duck to water when he was about nine or ten. And when he hit senior school he took up rowing. He became a exercise fanatic in his early teens and I believe that's still with him today. All these activities helped to channel his anger. But they weren't much help when the hormones kicked in.
I was always having to stop him from fighting when we were in school he became sullen and aggressive Mom and dad would lecture him, ground him, deprive him of his piano stop his kick boxing to know avail he would just shout at them and get out of the house slamming the door behind him. His favourite place to cool off was the boat landing dock.
I thought I knew part of what was wrong him, he couldn't "make out" with the girls like the priapic teenage kids around this earned his a lot of  both friendly and insulting jibes. I remember "Gay Grey" being a favourite for a time. It earned Christian a lot of detention and exclusion from two schools for fighting. Of course the real problem was he hated being touched around his chest, back and neck. If any of the more forward girls tried to kiss him he would immediately freeze and push them away. I suppose also at that time he was wondering about his own sexuality. But he couldn't explore because of his hang ups. I understood Christian as well as anyone at that time being a priapic teen myself.  I knew his boundaries, which a lot of the kids at school didn't, and if they did, they chose to ignore them for the sake of just getting that"Weird" Grey kid in trouble What they didn't always realise was although Christian looked skinny he was was amazingly well built and strong. So even the stupid older kids didn't come off best when they tackled Christian.
So at fifteen he was a loner, angry, frustrated miserable teenager. Until he was around 15. Then he seemed suddenly, to get a grip. Of course that was after Elena Lincoln took him in hand, but none of us knew that at the time.

The family thought of him as celebate gay. He never brought home or talked about girls or guys for that matter. Not that it would have made any different to us we were liberal minded and frankley we didn't give a fuck so long as the fights stopped and he was focused.
I wasn't so certain. We would often met up and have a meal out together we would hike, fish, sail and do what Mia termed as boys boring stuff. But there were times when he was off guard I would see his interest in a girl, a slight movement in his seat and it is a physiological reaction when the pupils dilate and the breathing speeds up when there is a sexual attraction.

Of course I made it my mission in life to torment the life out of him at every possible occasion.
As he said he found it a laugh to listen to us speculate especially when I offered to give him tips on how to get laid.

I could not imagine Christian being in this deviant scene for over ten years and manage to keep such a low profile.  It made me feel quite revolted to think of him whipping, caning, hancuffing some girl. Using some of the sex toys I have seen on line, (yes I've looked at porn) For his own sexual gratification. No wonder he preferred to distance himself from us all. But in retrospect, that under current of control, power, dominance has always been there with him. I saw it in action today when he brought the company to heel after they had tried to take over my patent in an under hand fashion.
That," don't fuck with me" attitude he had.
What had Benson called him?  "A young whippersnapper, wet behind the ears." And Christian, had leaned over the table and looked the man straight in the eye,
 " I cannot make myself any older for you, but the fact remains, that I could retire tomorrow and live till I'm ninety as a playboy and still leave my kids a good inheritance. Whereas you will barely make a decent pension when you retire if you continue on the path this company is taking now, Mr Benson, you do the math". There had been the hard powerful man there then. The Dominant.
I looked across the cabin to where he was sitting.
"And I offered my Love Doctor advice when you started taking Ana out!"
 He gave me a shrug and a smirk, laughter in his eyes
"You're a bastard you know that don't you?"
"Yes Elliot, fifty shades of fucked up. Well perhaps just forty since I meet Ana. But you have to realise, Elena showed me a way of controlling my anger a coping method. As her submissive, she took all the crap out of my life, she had rules and if I broke them she would beat the crap out of me. It's easier to wear your pain on the outside and I felt I deserved to be punished.
 It became a lifestyle because, A, I knew nothing else, and B, It was the only way for me I would have probably ended up in some sex offenders prison without it. Not really an excuse I know. But I didn't force anyone to do anything they didn't want, safe,sane,consensual. nothing illegal. Sick, Deviant, perverted yes I'm all of the above. Until Anastasia Steel fell through my office door. Then the tectonic plates shifted. And then there was light in my life hope on the empty shell called my heart and I don't need any of that shit anymore. Well, not the heavy stuff but we like to play as I'm sure you do, Dr Love.

There was a heavy silence between us
 "Well "said Christian, "Are you still my big bro or is that it for us?"
I gave him an appraising look. It must have taken some nerve for Christian to tell me all this after so long. Looking at him now he was quite vulnerable not knowing if I was going to disown him.I sighed, I couldn't do that, I had seen what he had been in his early years, I knew he had been cruelly abused. I also knew that deep down he was a decent guy, his deviant lifestyle was set apart from the rest of his world. Yes he had become a hard working very successful business man, He was philanthropic, he put a great deal of wealth to feeding starving nations, he was well known for his donations to various charities for abused kids. He was generous to us his family and took a lot of care ensuring we weren't put at risk because of his wealth.
And over the passed few months, since he had fallen hopelessly in love with Ana his true personality was revelling it's self
I  took a deep breath and said with an evil grin " can I see your playroom.?"
"No you fuckin' can't."

Thoughts of 50 Shades

Chapter 7.

Christian remembered the aftermath of that afternoon very well. He didn't think he had ever seen Ana so angry.

Of course, he had tried to make out with Ana in the back of the SUV on the way home and this had earned him a slap on his head. So he decided to wait till they got back. He rested his head on her shoulder and fell asleep.
Taylor called ahead to give Sawyer the heads up to meet them in the garage at Escala. On arrival, Sawyer helped Taylor get their boss in the elevator. Christian was very unsteady after sleeping, so they travelled up the thirty floors with Ana. Neither man commented on the state of their boss but both could tell Ana was furious. Once they were in the spacious lounge, Ana said " Just put him on the bed and I'll sort him out, Thank you"
"Are you sure ma'am?"Asked Taylor
"Yes," Said Ana "I'll call you if I need to. He just needs to sleep it off"
"Very well ma'am" said Taylor.
So the two CPO's walked Christian through to the master bedroom and laid him on the bed and left closing the door behind them.
Ana took his shoes and socks off. Then his tie" Sit up Christian let me help you off with your jacket" She said firmly.
Blurry eyed Christian grinned lasciviously "It'll be a pleasssure Mrssss Gray"He slurred. and struggled to sit up. He took Ana by the hips and pulled her to him burying his face into her belly.
"You smell sooo good, come to bed"
"Jacket first" She said
"OK," and shrugged out of his jacket. Then he fell back onto the bed and slept snoring quietly.
Ana swung his legs around. She loosened his belt, undid the button, pulled the zipper down on his pants but couldn't pull them off.
She really couldn't be bothered to struggle.
" I'll get you for this Grey," she whispered in his ear.


It was dark when Christian stirred. At first he didn't know quite where he was. But he had a thumping head and his mouth felt like, yuck!
He stretched his arm out to find his wife but the bed was empty.
"Where is she?"
He found the light switch for the bedside lamp. As soon as he had switched it on he wished he hadn't the glare shot through his head like a laser beam. He groaned holding his head.
He rolled off the bed to make his way to the en-suite bathroom, and nearly tripped as his pants slid down his legs. "Fuck!" He kicked them off and stumbled to the bathroom. Having relieved himself in the toilet, he went to the wash basin to wash his face and hands. Looking in the mirror he saw his red rimmed eyes, pale face, the stubble of his unshaven chin and his unruly hair. He looked and felt like shit. Realising he was still partially dressed he decided that he would take some Advil and a drink then shower.
He wandered from the bedroom across the lounge area to the kitchen where he knew he would find pain killers in the cupboard and orange juice in the fridge.
He sat for a while on the sectional settee. watching the night lights of Seattle below him through the glass wall.
As his head eased he pondered over the days events which had lead him to have a head like an army marching to beating drums.
Oh yes, the drinking challenge Elliot has thrown at him. Why for fucks sake had he suggested "Roxanne" he hadn't played that game since Harvard. And he didn't drink that much anyway it made him loose control. Disciplined he was always disciplined, something Elana had taught him long ago.
But now he needed to find Ana. Last time he had arrived home drunk, she had hid from him in the playroom. The reason for his drunkenness had been panic then. Panic and fear of fatherhood.
He sighed, he had come to terms with the idea; then thanks to Jack Hyde, Ana had lost he baby. He had been surprised at his own feelings of grief and loss, and he knew that Ana was still fragile emotionally as a result. Perhaps this is why he had taking up his brothers challenge as a way of putting those feelings to one side for a while.
Still dressed in shirt and boxer briefs he padded upstairs to the playroom, perhaps she had hidden away there again. The door was locked, the key on the chain in his pants pocket. He turned to go back down stairs to get it, then he saw a light under the spare room door.
She was asleep, her hair fanned out on the pillow, one hand bent under her chin the other across her chest. She looked lovely, her full lips slightly apart, eye lashes fanned on her cheek. her chest gently rising and falling as she slept.
He stripped off his shirt and very gently slid in bed besides her. He slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him nuzzling his nose into her neck and gently kissing her behind her ear. He let his hand wander down her body and up her side until he came to her breast. Gently, his thumb massaged the nipple causing it to pucker in response.
She stirred, and turned to him her lips finding his and kissing him her hand finding it's way into his hair tugging it. Her leg moved across his and her kiss deepened. He put his other hand around her back pulling her closer to him, closer to his growing erection.
Their breathing becoming erratic as passion took over. He pulled her beneath him and she was pushing his boxer briefs down freeing him her legs around his waist pushing the boxers further down with her heels. He  trailed his hand down, though her pubic hair until his fingers found her clitoris and  sweet spot. She moaned into his ear "Please"
He shifted slightly then gently eased his throbbing erection into her sighing. This was the best place in the world to be. Inside her slick smoothness fitting him like a velvet glove.
He move rhythmically slowly feeling her, kissing her neck and throat. He increased the pace as he felt her clinching around him, squeezing him. Then she came with passionate cry and he followed with a hiss through his teeth.
 He relaxed  onto her supporting his weight with his hands on either side of her head kissing her gently.
Then he felt a stinging slap round his ear.
"What the fuck do you think you are doing Grey!" She shouted pushing him off her.
Bemused "Making love to my wife"
"Yes!" she spat "Without a condom!"
"Oh shit, I forgot"
"Forgot!, Forgot! Do you think I'm fucking ready to get pregnant again? Mr control freak. You never forget anything" she yelled hysterically. As she bounced out of bed glaring at him. Her face was flushed with rage, her hair flying around her face.
"You'd better hope that I don't get pregnant, Grey, 'cos I'll make your life a fucking misery if I am!!"
She stomped off into the bathroom slamming the door behind her.
He flopped down on the bed groaning his arm over his eyes. His head was bursting again. What to do?
He rose and followed her into the bathroom and joined her in the shower.
At First she shrugged him away. Then turning round to face him she put her arms around him resting her face to his chest sobbing, heart wrenching.
"Hush baby," He said soothingly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just didn't think I was so relieved to find you there."
"Where did you think I'd be? "
"I didn't know I woke and you weren't there. And I remembered the last time I got drunk; I thought you'd left me. I'm sorry"
"I'm sorry I slapped you. I was so surprised that you were there I thought I was dreaming" She whispered.
He turned off the shower and got out of the cubical. Wrapping a towel round his waist, he got a large towel and enfolded Ana into it holding her close to him.
He grinned down at her "I'm pleased you have such erotic dreams of me."
She smiled back at him " Only of you" Hugging him tightly to her
"We can get a morning after pill if you're ready worried" He offered gently.
"No I'll probably be OK. Lets see what happens".
They dried off then laid in each others arms till the sun came up.

As they ate breakfast later, Ana said, "Lets go sailing, just you and me. I think we need time completely on our own. To think. Lets go and get some fresh air with no one else around"
"Do you think you will be able to help me with the boat?"
"Yes, we don't have to rely on sail, do we? Once you steer out of the marina, I can take over and you can put up the mainsail if you want."
"You're on Mrs Grey, I think you have learned enough from Mac, for us to do that.












 

Thoughts of 50 shades

I do not own any of the 50 shades of Grey trilogy. I am borrowing the characters just for fun and not profit.

Chapter 6.
Christian and Elliot spend the next minutes in contemplative silence. Both has slightly fuzzy heads, they had both drunk a lot more then what was normal for either of them.

Christian smirked to himself as he remembered the last time he and Elliot has been drunk. Not so long ago, fortnight? 3 weeks?
They had been at their parents place out at Bellevue. A hot sunny afternoon, gentle breeze blowing in land from the Sound, just enough to keep things comfortable.
Carrick had been dealing with the barbecue, the women folk, Grace, Mia, Ana and Kate had bee busy preparing salads, and accoutrement's for the meal. Elliot, Christian and Ethan had been following the Mariners on TV and as time had gone by, had got very boisterous with the help of several cans of beer.
Game over the three young men had come out onto the lawn to demand food, hold a post mortem on how The Mariners had lost, Again.
Christian found Ana sitting on a swing seat with a glass of white wine. Sitting beside her he nuzzled her neck," Hi babe, you OK?" he put his arm around her waist pulling her nearer to him snuggling his head into her shoulder."Mmm you smell good" he sighed with a small groan

She pushed him away "You smell of beer, how many have you had?"
"A few Mariners lost, again"
"That seems like a few too many" Ana scolds.
"Are you saying I can't hold my liquor, Mrs Grey?"
"Well you seem a little giddy"
"Giddy me!"
"Yes you're not usually this demonstrative."
"Come here," he growled "I'll soon give you a demonstration"
"Hey Christian!" It's Elliot
"What?"scowled Christian, pissed at being disturbed "Leave me alone, can't you see I'm making out with this woman. Her husband will be back soon so I haven't got long"
"Are you pissed little bro?" Elliot laughs
"Only at you, disturbing me while I trying to get it on with this woman" grins Christian, snuggling up to Ana
"I knew it, you're only up for it when you are drunk" Teases Elliot.
" I can drink you to oblivion any day"smirks Christian
"Is that a challenge little bro?"
"Yes, if you like. Whats your poison?"
"Vodka shots!"
"You're on "Roxanne"?" says Christian standing to go to the drinks table, which is set up in the garden near the barbecue.
"Roxanne?" queried Elliot .
"It's a game we played at Harvard. We play Stings"Roxanne" and every time the Word "Roxanne" is sung you take a shot, if you're still standing at the end of the song you win!" explained Christian, taking a bottle of water and swigging it down.
Elliot grinned "You're on"
Christian gave him an evil grin "Sure?"
"Too true. I'll line 'em up" says Elliot  a devilish look on his face.
"Got your Ipod babe?" Christian asked Ana.
"Sure, Christian should you be doing this? " Ana is worried
" It's OK, " He whispers "I got the trick of this."
"Hey Christian, " Yells Elliot "You ready for this!"
"Bring it on bro"

Grace has heared this exchange and she will, put a stop to it. Carrick has no idea of the song so is not particularly worried. Grace on the other hand does know.
"Elliot! Christian! you stop right there"
"Aw mom it's just a bit of fun" says Elliot, "Christian is such a light weight he'll be out in no time"
"You think so?" Says Christian full of bravado.
"Leave 'em to it Grace, If they are stupid enough to go through with this they're both old enough to deal with the fallout"Carrick says resigned. He knew that the boys liked to wind each other up.
"Just a minute, " Said Christian He took a bottle of spring water and a hamburger and ate and drank them down.
" Aw come on Christian stop messing around" Elliot admonished impatiently "Getting cold feet bro?"
"No I'm hungry, set em up and I'll show you"
So drinks lined up the song Started "Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red dress....."
each took a shot and downed it in one.
As the song progressed to the chorus and the word repeated several times Ana noticed that Christian only pretended to drink every third shot. Elliot was starting to sway a bit and his laughter more manic. Till suddenly he dropped his glass and ran to the small dock where the Grey's boat was docked and was violently sick into the Sound.
Christian gave a yell of triumph, "I win" he shouted, turned a perfect cartwheel landing on his feet. He sat rather clumsily beside Ana and snuggled down with his head on her chest.
Elliot shook his head " Bastard!" he said softly as he staggered back onto the grass and passed out completely.

The Family stood about mouths open amazed at their antics.

"I think we'd better get him inside to sleep it off" says Grace disgusted indicating her eldest son.
Ethan and Carrick  tried to get Elliot to his feet but it wasn't easy his long legs wouldn't co operate in his dazed state.
"Taylor! "Called Ana "Will you help get Elliot in the house, please and then we'll take Christian home"
"Certainly ma'am" Taylor answered quietly hiding his grin.
So with the aid of their CPO they managed to get Elliot into the house. Kate's face was white with fury as she followed them in.
Christian was snickering at Elliot. His head was still on Ana's chest and he began to snuggle into her breast his hand trailing up her thigh. crooning to her, how beautiful she was.
"Come to bed " He said seductively kissing her neck.
Ana was blushing crimson pushing him away "Christian! stop it, behave yourself. Mia!" She called "Can you bring me a bottle of water, please ?"
She pushed Christian further away from her "Christian Sit up!"she ordered
"You're a bossy little thing" He slurred trying to push up her skirt again.
She slapped his hand away and he groaned "Aw please come to bed."
Mia brought the bottle of water giggling at her brother. Ana took it from her, took the lid off and poured it over Christians head.
"Fuck, Ana!" he spluttered.
" Now get up and pull yourself together!" Ana snapped at him,angrily. She was totally embarrassed at his behaviour.
Taylor  returned with Ethan and Carrick. They hoisted Christian to his feet. He pushed them away.
"I can walk by myself " he grumbled "I'm going home. Taylor, you drive"
Taylor looked at him with a bemused look on his face trying to maintain his professional demeanour.
"Certainly sir" The corners of his mouth crinkled.
Grace arrived on the scene. Seeing her youngest son on his feet at least. She turned to Ana,
"Are you alright, can you manage him with Taylor? Do you want Carrick or Ethan to come with you?"
"No we'll be fine thank you Grace, Sawyer is at home and he'll be there to help get him in the elevator, Grace I'm really sorry about this" Ana looked mortified at her husbands antics.
"What if he starts throwing up in the car?" Grace looked worried.
"He won't, " Said Ana " That's why he ate a 'burger and drank water before they started at their stupid game, first rule of drinking " Ana went on to say "Never drink on an empty stomach, will stop you being sick, but not behaving stupid" She glowered at Christian. He at least tried to look contrite, giving her a little sexy smile.
Ana could see where is mind was going, but no way!  "Lets get you home" she said. Christians grin broadened "OK!" he said hopefully.

Thoughts of fifty shades

 

I do not own any part of the 50 shades trilogy. My musings are for fun and not profit.

Chapter 5
CG pov.

When I told Elena I had had enough of subbing she was more than a little upset. It wasn't just that she had crossed the line by allowing another Dom to touch me, Christ she knew about my aversion, but she actively encouraged the other Dom to carry on after I safe worded.

I think that was the only second time I had safe worded in the whole of the six years we had been together, and we had done some extreme shit in that time. I could tolerate pain on the outside because it covered the pain on the inside. The pain of near starvation,being beaten, the cigarette burns, the fact that, SHE did nothing to protect me. At four, so Ana tells me kids love there moms they know nothing else, and that is another reason I felt so hurt the fact that she didn't defend me, then, she left me, checked out took an over dose of whatever shit she had been using.
But Elena had overstepped her role as Dominatrix and I had, had enough.

I had just dropped out of Harvard, I wanted to make my mark in the world to take control of my life my own way and being a submissive wouldn't cut it for my image of  being completely in control of my destiny, No one else was going to control my life.  I'd be master of my universe.
To achieve that I needed complete control and I was starting here and now with putting Elena in her place.

To Elliot's credit, although he was appalled  at my revelation he didn't turn his back on me and tell me to fuck the hell out of his life. But, in retrospect, he probably didn,t realise the meanings behind what I was telling him.
 I think by this time we were both well on the way to being well and truly;y drunk. We had finished a bottle of  wine and well down the bourbon.

I continued to ramble on; Elena offered to sub for me said she would be my first experiance, and do you know Elliot, I really looked forward to punishing her for not heeding my safe word for ignoring, my limits, for allowing someone to touch me.
"And did you?" asked Elliot. He was wide eyed with facination.

"You bet I did and having her under my control was such a buzz."
" So she stayed your submissive after that?"
I continued my tale. No, She realised that there would be no turning back for me now that I had found my dominant self, my alter-ego.
She knew that I had found a company to take over. A small electronics company that was going on the cusp through poor management and I knew I could fix it. I needed seed money. Dad had refused to give me any help so I was looking for bank loans.Very difficult when you're under twentyone with no portfolio and no obvious experience. She lent me 100 grand to get started.

" She had that sort of money!?" Elliot was amazed
"No it was Linc's money"
"Linc, Lincoln Timber?
" The very same" I smirked at the memory
And I was able to take over the company. I fired the board, and re shuffled the work force, taking Ros Bailey as my second. Then we found Barney Sullivan a computer geek with a very impressive CV. What Barney doesn't know about computer technology ain't worth knowing.
We began to make a profit with careful marketing. Slow at first then it just took off and before too long  I was able to pay Elena back with interest.
"Did she sub for you again?"
"No, I was too busy working nineteen, twenty hours a day to get thing moving, You know what I was like. I was still sharing your apartment at that time"
" Yea, miserable bastard no fun at all. So did you give up the life style?"
" Not really just too busy."

 But once things were settling down, I needed some relief. Normal girlfriends not an option, I had needs that could only be satisfied by the extreme BDSM way of life. Elena offered and after a got a place of my own, we agreed to meet there. She never turned up. The next think I knew was when Mom phoned to tell me Elena was in hospital, She had been attacked and beaten up. Her husband had found out about us. He threatened to tell the police that she was a paedophile and had seduced me at 15 if she brought any charges against him. That would have meant jail for her and for me to have to testify in court. She didn't want me to have to do that so she just agreed to quietly divorce him.

"So what did you do then, how did you manage?"
I could see that Elliot was more than a little interested. So through my drunken state I decided to go the whole hog and tell all. I'm not usually so verbose even when drunk. But in my cloudy mind I felt that it was the right time.

"Well, once Elena was fit and well again, we remained friends. I could always talk to her. She was the only person who knew about my perversions, knew me for what I was.
She introduced me to an exclusive "dating" service. And through them I was able to get a submissive of my own."
Elliot gave me a drunken leer,"Whats it called submissives R US"

It was important that no one should know of my life style; it wouldn't help me much in the business world. I couldn't risk using the clubs.
"There are clubs in Seattle that cater for BDSM?" Elliot's face was incredulous
"You'd be amazed at the number of sick fuckers like me there are Elliot. But I couldn't be seen in them, I'd be risking the reputation I was building. And it was importent that none of you lot found out about my life style. mom especially. I couldn't bear for them to know about me. It was easier to let you all think I was a celebate gay, than for you to know the truth" I took a deep breath and another swig of bourbon.

"So, for the next seven years I had my submissives at the weekends. When I moved to Escala, I had a "playroom" installed. The girls stayed over the weekend and thats how I lived my life.
"How many?" Elliot's eyes where wide in amazement.
"How many what? playrooms? just the one"
Elliot rolled his eyes at me, " Girls"
"Oh, sixteen"
"All at once?"
"Of course not all at once. Over a period of time. three month contracts. Or there abouts"
"You had contacts?"
"Yes"
"What for?"
"Laying down the ground rules. You know, hard and soft limits. The rules I expected them to obey. All consensual, A safe, sane agreement between two individuals."

There was silence between us for a while and I think we dozed of to sleep. When I come to there was a large mugs of coffee, bottles of water and Advil tablets on the tables in front of us. I suspect Taylor has been busy watching my back again. I do tend to forget he is there at times. He knows all my shit anyway so I'm not bothered that he may have over heard my confession.
After we had sobered up a bit Elliot asked me, "You don't still have that life style do you?"

Thoughts of 50 shades

I do not own any part of the 50 shades trilogy. Just a few thoughts for fun and not for profit.

Chapter 4
Elliot's pov.

I stare at Christian in disbelief. I thought I knew him. Yes he was moody, a loner, closed. He always had been and given what I know of his early childhood I understood.  I had always tried to be there for him, brother and friend, we had always got on well together.   We shared interests in fishing, sailing, hiking and skiing etc.
When he was in his teens and before I went to collage, I always tried to help him keep his temper and to prevent him getting into fights. Although we are not of the same blood, both of us adopted, we were for all intent and purposes brothers.

I didn't know truly of his sexual persuasion, he didn't date. bring a girl, or boy, home.  He didn't even talk as guys do about sex. I used to try and set him up with a date and he would grudgingly go along but always manage to screw it up. I used to goad him about his naivety and for the most he took it in good part, eventually, when he had,had enough he would tell me to fuck off.

So for a long time me and our parents though he was either gay, or celibate.

Then Anastasia Steel came into his life and his whole being changed. He was a different man. We all assumed that not only was this his first love but his first lover.
But I noticed, when he thought no one was looking little intimate touches, looks, seductive looks that take time and experience to master.
Hell it had taken me years to get to the level that Christian was at. I didn't think he was just a natural I though he had, had experience and knowledge. I knew his hang ups about touching and I had hear ed his nightmares often enough. So I figured he must have used call girls who would agreed to his needs.

So that was why I had finally ask him about his experience. I thoroughly expected him to tell me to fuck off as usual. But he knows I'm a nosey bastard who wouldn't let up. Plus I realised that he had come to a part of his life when he felt more confident in telling all.

But his revelations never the less shocked me, my brother the pervert!

At first I figured that his relationship, with Mrs Lincoln, had only been a summer encounter but Christian went on to tell the full extent of the affair.

" I don't know what you know about the BDSM scene" He said quietly, his mouth set into a grim line. It seemed that now he had started he wanted  to tell me his whole sordid life.
" and, I'm not going to go into detail if you want the gory details you can look it up on Wikipeadia. suffice to say I was Elena's submissive for six years."
"Six years! Hell Christian why didn't you tell someone? Mom, Dad, your shrink. You where under age after all when it started. She was nothing but a fuckin' pedophile"

" Because she helped me, at a time when I was out of control. I think that if she hadn't brought me into line I would have raped or murdered someone. I was in self destructive mode and I wasn't getting any better" He explained quietly.
I shook my head in disbelief. "is that what you felt, really?"

" Yes, She gave me a set of rules to live by. If  I disobeyed these rules she would punish me. Being in contact with Mom she would know if I digressed."

He ran his hand through his hair then took another drink of water.

" After a while punishment and reward became synonymous with one another. Both giving sexual gratification. And I embraced it because I felt I deserved it."
"How come you felt that you deserved to be beaten, for crying out loud!"
"Because, and Flynn, has made me realise this over the passed few months, my birth mother, the crack hoare, didn't protect me I must have been unlovable, unworthy, bad and that is why she died. I blamed myself"

"Jees Christian how fucked you must have been!"
"Fifty shades bro. Elena taught me control, how to channel my anger, pain and emotions, mostly inside I realise now.It's easier to feel the pain on the outside, Elliot"

I took a gulp of bourbon, to take away the horrific images that where going through my head. My poor fucked up brother living his dark life under our very noses.

"You said you where her submissive for six years, What happened then?"
" Well she over stepped the boundries of my hard limits."
"How?"
"Well after I dropped out of Harvard and came to live back in Seattle, She and I did the club scene. I don't if you are aware, but there are various clubs in and around Seatlle that allow these activities. Providing that the paticipants are legal age and consencual there are no laws. One night we where playing a scene, and she brought another Dominatrix into the game, I was pissed at this, I don't like group sex, and I let it show she got mad and decided I needed punishing. I didn't mind that as it hightend the pleasure but she allowed the other Dom to touch me on my chest and back and although I safe worded she told the other Dom it was alright to carry on"
"Safe word?" I couldn't deny I was curious by this time
" Yes there is and agreed word a submissive can use when they are at thier limit of endurance. Usually "Red". Anyway, the other dom saw I was at my limit and stopped immidiatly as they should. But Elena wasn't best pleased, she thought I had made her look bad and she was ready to set about me with a cane
and I shouted enough red and she stopped, boy was she pissed. Any way she let me loose"
" She had you tied!!!"
Christian grinned at my appalled face, "No actually, shackled."   

"We got dressed and went for a drink at the bar and I told her enough was enough I wasn't going to "sub" for her anymore, I was changing roles I, was going to be a Dom!".